My Christmas...

I apologize for the lack of blogging over the past several weeks. My internet access was hindered by this place called "the boonies" (out in the middle of nowhere) where I live back home in Ohio :D Preble county is an amazing place, however, it doesn't provide technologically superior outlets like WiFi hotspots. We can't even get internet out where I live in the country, unless we wanted dial-up thru the phone, but who uses dial-up, really..(I'm sorry if your an advent 'dial-upper' but I personally don't have the patience for it). I did have a wonderful Christmas. It was great spending time with my parents, family, and friends. I joined the Apple faction and got an iPod!! Its pretty amazing, I have to say. It wasn't a white Christmas back home though. But it was a frozen one. At one point, it was -10 with the wind chill, holy cow! Today I'm wearing a T-Shirt and jeans here in Carolina, but, I must confess that for some unexplainable reason, I do enjoy cold weather. It's good to be back in Charlotte now, I missed the place...

In The Silence

For a long time, my prayer life has been accompanied by worship music. I love worshiping God outside the Church service confines in my own time, but something is changing with me. I think to often i've tried to use worship music as simply a background record helping me to be more emotional with my time with God. I truly believe that God uses and can even speak to us through our emotions. However, there have been times in my life where I assumed that I had achieved reconciliation with God, or connected with him, because I was crying, or acting somber. Jason Upton is one of my all-time favorite worship leaders. He wrote a song called "In The Silence." It goes like this...

"In this silence, you are speaking,
In the quiet, I can feel the fire,
And its burning, burning deeply,
Burning all that it is that you desire to be silent in me."

I think it's important to note this simple thought. That as Christ followers, we cannot allow ourselves to be governed by human emotions. Although they are powerful, and immeasurable, and my opinion is that they are helpful; we must be careful that they do not overpower our thinking to a point where we make assumptions about God. I have, and will worship God and pray with accompanying music. But I think it's important that we speak to God sometimes in the silence. Even sing and worship in the silence... Understand this: our prayer lives cannot constantly be a monologue, where we speak singularly. God wants us to dialogue with him. He wants to reciprocate, to speak back. Although he may not do it in the most convenient of ways, he does do it. He might use other people to do it, he speaks through scripture, through our emotions, and even though our thinking... And to some, he's even spoken audibly. Whatever way he chooses to speak is impertinent, but he IS speaking. I've sat in the silence, and waited, and listened. I think that God is interested in participating in our lives. It's time we stop sparing God of what we think he already knows, and we begin sharing our dreams and ideas.

A relationship with God is not an accomplishment to acknowledge, it's an adventure to live!!!!

On the way to Morganton....

Last night, Pastor Sam asked me to tag along with him to a church that he is interim pastoring. Sam Farina is one of the coolest preach-evange-coaching-pastor's I know. He and his wife are so gifted.

It's interesting talking to someone who has so much experience and has spent so much time in the ministry. He is truly a well of wisdom. On the way to Morganton, where he is interim pastoring, and on the way back, we just talked. We talked about our dreams, and the passions of our lives. We talked about where we both came from, geographically, and also spiritually. He shared with me sort of "where he was" at my age. And I told him where I want to be at his... It was fun.

Integrity

A couple weeks ago, Pastor Teresa took me to the Billy Graham Library. There, she showed me the history of a ministry that has truly impacted our world forever. Billy Graham was a man of talent, fervor, vision, and many other things... But what sticks out to me mostly about him is that he was a man of integrity. He preached in stadiums all across the world. Even when communist countries had closed their doors to Christian evangelists and missionaries, Graham was INVITED in to host his crusades. He was well respected by the common man as well as world leaders. So much that Presidents, Prime Minister's, And even Dictators sought his counsel! He filled stadiums, sold books, and was one of the media trail blazers who used mass media outlets to preach the gospel. He helped produce movies, his face was on TV, and his voice on the Radio. All of that popularity and influence, and he never slipped up. He never participated in the scandals we hear about so often. He never embezzled, never frauded, and never slept around.

Then, this week, she took me somewhere else. Pastor Teresa worked for a ministry called PTL which was a multi-million dollar christian resort, church, and network machine. All under the direction of a man named Jim Bakker. Jim, Like Graham, was a world renown leader. He aired his shows globally, and people came from everywhere to visit his resort and church. Hundreds of Thousands of people followed him, Hundreds of Millions of dollars were given to his ministry... And.. It fell apart. He was involved in a sex scandal that he hid for years, and when it finally came out into the open, he was thrown in jail for fraudulent actions with the ministries money as well. Millions and Millions of dollars donated to a Christian business machine that was still spreading the gospel and doing amazing things.. But the leader himself wasn't whole in his walk with Christ.

We visited the grounds of the old resort and surrounding buildings. Hundreds of acres filled with campgrounds, a waterpark, church, hotel, sporting fields, an outdoor amphitheater, all now are run-down. There was one building that a Church bought and is really cool, but everything else left to the weathering of time and vacancy. There was even a model of the Upper Room in Jerusalem that was built on the grounds for prayer and reflection.. That to chained, locked, and left. Would you like to know what it felt like walking on those grounds??...It felt like walking through a graveyard. You could feel the deadness of the place, we caught ourselves whispering, and acting somber. The stress of the atmosphere was nearly tangible. It was awful.

As wild and horrid as the story of this ministry sounds, I had a deep moment on its grounds. I was really challenged in my walk of integrity. Then, yesterday, Pastor Mike and I talked about integrity. He and Teresa have both been involved in some situations where people in leadership over them have struggled with integrity. Pastor Mike taught me a lot. The root word for integrity is 'integer' which numerically means "whole." It's a digit that always stays whole, it's never half, three quarters, or 97.24987% committed. It's always counted on as being a whole digit, it's NEVER INCOMPLETE... We are called to live lives of integrity, meaning: Our lives have been completed by Christ. We are always 100% his. It is only thru a living, healthy relationship with Jesus Christ that we are made whole. Daily, we should asses our integrity, determining whether or not we are fully and completely devoted. In Poker, you might think you have it made with a straight flush hand thinking "I have the second highest possible combination in the game, there's only a 0.73803% Chance that the other guy has a royal flush (the highest possible hand)." But, WHAT IF you go all in on a 99.372% chance of winning, and you lose it all?... My personal preference would be in knowing that I had a 100% guarantee, that if I go all-in, I'll win... And that guarantee is Jesus Christ.